I thought quarantining would be more relaxing....

I don't think Thomas and I are doing this thing right. One gets the impression that everyone else is doing puzzles and learning Finnish while we are slogging away trying to keep the fund afloat, but with no house help. My sexy artist friend called her housekeeper and asked "If I were a vacuum cleaner, where would I be?" lol. Groceries take all this planning now and I feel like some sort of frontier woman (I am two days away from having to beat the carpets). But one of the biggest time suckers is the fact that I am on (Lord help me) multiple group texts from women in the "50 something with money and lots of time for candles and chanting" demographic. Some are very good at sending a group text; alas, some are not. I received one today that was supposedly a missive from Bill Gates (which I doubt). On and on it went as I stroked my phone to the end, where he listed 14 things the Coronavirus was trying to teach us. Included were gems like: we can be patient or we can panic; or this can be an end, or a new beginning.  Now while Eloise is getting tips from her friends like "how to fake home schooling with nothing more than an ipad and some chocolate", or "reducing the noise from your blender while on a conference call"; I am getting: A Heartfelt Letter from Covid 19 to humans. Who would open mail from Covid-19!
And as if the poems and quotes were not enough, each and every woman has to thank each and every woman for her wise words. Heart emoji; Prayer emoji.

Let me correct "Bill Gates" or any other person now in the lotus position if I may. There is only one thing the Coronavirus is teaching us and that is that competence matters. The better the government response to the initial threat, the lower Ellie's inconvenience (the E.I. quotient). Seriously,  five summer interns with hangovers at Mckinsey would have stopped this thing quicker.  I know Americans think everything only happens here, but it is in fact happening everywhere-and here is the important part: just not to the same degree. In Taiwan, they are going to work and restaurants. Yes, they have people in hazmat suits taking everyone's temperature as they come and go, but that is it.
Knowledge matters! Competence matters! Truth matters!
(Prayer emoji. High five emoji.)

Ok now that I have ranted, I can give a party report. We had the first of what I hope will be many driveway cocktail parties, in which Tommy comes and sits outside his car, with drinks and potato chips placed by the planter.

Also in the good news column: Chico is home! Had to go through San Diego and came out practically licking the handle of the baggage trolly, but he seems happy and healthy. He pointed out he hasn't lived at home since he was 13 and this all seems delightful. We reminded him the magic around here was somewhat dimmer without Le Javier...but he is unfazed.
The other night I went to get water at 3 a.m. (must hydrate during the apocalypse) and saw that Frederick's light was still on. I asked him what was up. Oh he said, I lost track of time watching this thing on the giant squids of the deep ocean. Somehow that gives me hope.

As many of you know, I believe that when picking a life partner, one should ask what would this person be like in a life raft? Are they facile with rubber boat design? Can they fish or row? Would they share the sun block and the last of the gummi bears? Could they make you laugh as you bobbed in the lonely sea? Thomas is obviously a world class candidate in many of those categories (which is why I looked past the ridiculous sweater below). Our boat would be in excellent shape, there would be fish organized by genus and he would stand over me to protect me from the sun. I can't imagine him cracking any jokes; but he has a more important quality, and that is he laughs at all of mine  (the only life raft skill I can offer).  This period of time we are in now is separating the A level life rafters from the herd, and to mark this, I have been handing out life boat grades. Last week I was the undisputed champion: baking metaphorical cakes,  emailing actual Canadian scientists, telling jokes all day. Then I experimented with a new brand of high alcohol cider and came to the edge of a very dark place imagining a world where this was all we could do or have.  Luckily Frederick has been on a tear: cheerfully doing more chores than I have ever seen a person do, including detailing my car (I paid him for that one). The rest of the time he is looking for a place that will teach him what spherical harmonics is, or brushing up on the life span of the giant squid. He goes in the raft for sure.

A few other A plus life rafters have shown themselves this week. Laura P sends really beautiful poems and quotes and our masseur buddy sends the funniest things I have seen...I have to laugh even if I planned on not laughing that day.  And Margaret G ! Such a towering example of calm even though she is in Milan- offering no complaints, and patiently listening to all of mine. Then she sent me some old photos from business school (apparently she has finished her Finnish and is now organizing her photographs.) 
Ahh the good old days of doing nothing, but thinking you were doing a lot of incredibly important things. 

My favorite is the one of us at graduation- with Pop peeking through. (Broken Heart emoji. )

La Quarantena, Day Uno

As you probably already know, the word 'quarantine' has its origins in Venetian dialect, and relates to the forty days of isolation ships and people had to observe during the plague.  Like so many of the best words: la catastrophe and la peste in French; as well as 'bowel cancer' in Hungarian; la quarantena is feminine.

So here we are trying desperately to flatten the curve and avoid killing the elderly.  I'm game. I am however a bit nervous giving up so much of what I love. Thomas said Javier had to stay home and no mariachi bands have masks that fit over the trumpets; so we are on our own.  I overheard one man saying that when the kids came home from college, he was going to take them camping and tell them that "he and mommy were now taking edibles" but he would appreciate no judgement.

It is rather interesting how T is reacting to our diminished circumstances. If you think about it, a quarantine is a once in a life time dream for introverts- like burning man if burning man came once a century.  While I am having all this anxiety about being separated from humans- counting on my fingers all the things I cannot do: group exercise, and acupuncture and eating in a restaurant and kissing, Thomas is pretending to be the face of sad stoicism; but he is psyched. He actually said he was "really looking forward to being alone with me for three weeks". LOL!! Do we not spend enough time together already? (I am laughing as I write this).  He still gets everything he loves- me, exercise and unlimited Bloomberg charts. Throw in a few saunas and TV in the middle of the day, and you can see why he hopes this goes on forever.

Before this started, I called Amy and said she needed to get over here because I haven't seen them in so long. I proposed that we sit outside where we would be safe from germs, and said I would finally buy a fire pit (you all know my obsession with wood fires). And then slam...we get shut down. So I told Thomas that either he bought one or I would, and he would not be happy with my choice.  So he researches, and of course the best ones are in Italy, and in about four quarantenas, it should arrive.

But feast your eyes on the one we chose above. When this nightmare is over, believe me- we shall burn all the wood we want, and we will dance around the fire like the pagan goddesses we are.
You have my word.

NEW SEGMENT!
Most amusing things heard during Ellie's quarantine.

KMH brief but distinct loss of language when I told her Gladys would have to go home too.
KMH trying to think of something fun to do that was allowed, and came up with the idea of going to the dentist.
Brooke C telling her father when he came home from Australia that "she had Coronavirus and it did not look good." Before her sister said "Ahh we are going to need to confirm that."
F landed his little research project with the astro physicist in dad socks, and was told by said physicist that he should get comfortable with "spherical harmonics". Thomas has never heard of it, so we are in weird waters now honey.

Living with Corona

The New York Times' podcast is now (God how I love them) producing a podcast of comfort: things that are making the staff feel better in these weird times.  One person read from a cookbook about how to store food (looking at you Amy R), and another read an excerpt from C.S. Lewis's essay Living in an Atomic Age.  Lewis wrote it in 1948 or so, at the time of peak fear of atomic bombs.
We need to perhaps skip the dart playing for a while, but he has the right idea. Anyway, I loved it so much I have printed it below.

Me? I am getting massages and giving money away to people who ask. Then I douse my skin with mud masks and my insides with a little vodka. So far so good.


"In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. “How are we to live in an atomic age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors—anesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."

“On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essays

Elephant Seals Don't Watch the News

We have returned from a surprisingly restful weekend. I decided to organize a hookey day last Friday and head to see the elephant seals at Año Nuevo State Park- a place we had never been; I can report it was a good idea.  The plan was to take the seal tour on Friday, and then head down to Pebble Beach for the weekend. Sellies came along, because they had never been either.

So it seems that our California shores are the place that from November to March elephant seals come to give birth, sleep, then get pregnant again before heading out to swim and eat for the next 8  months. The orgy/birthing party seems fun- lots of sleeping and elephant seal love; with the result being many of these adorable blobs of sleeping fat that are the babies. The guide, a sensitive type with Cal Bears and Grateful Dead pins on his ranger hat, warned us that there would be sad parts on the walk- death and desertion to name a few. Indeed the life of a seal is not for the faint of heart- mother and child are united only 28 days after birth, and in that time, the little one has to fatten up and learn to swim. Then the mother gets pregnant again and swims out to travel up and around, far away, deep and wide, gorging herself; only to return to do the same thing again.

Feast your eyes on some elephant seal ....we’ll call it dating. Apparently this female is not in the mood, but the male (who looks suspiciously like Harvey Weinstein) isn’t listening. I will spare you the other video that shows how, after striking out with the mother, “Harvey” tries to romance the baby. This is apparently a thing with elephant seals- bless their hearts- and it is one of the reasons the pups only have a fifty percent survival rate. (you don't want an amorous 5, 000 pound elephant seal turning his lonely eyes to you when you are a. a baby and b. his child. )
We were instructed to keep quiet, but it was all I could do to not throw something at the thing.



Now that things have gone truly, madly weird and we are losing money every time Trump opens his mouth, Frederick is being sent home as Chicago closes, we are cancelling Jackson Hole and avoiding hugging and standing in crowds; now that we are at that point, there must be a concerted effort from you people to find the silver lining. Send in ideas because I need them.

Blogs Don't Get Quarantined (and other good news...)

I had been having a lot of dreams about the ocean, and a friend (our massage therapist, who doubles as a therapist therapist because this is California) said it was all good news- lots of money and chocolate coming my way. When I told him that was not what I read on the YOUR DREAMS ANALYZED website; that wild oceans and humans in an aquarium were perhaps more ominous snapshots of my psyche, he said, "yea that's right. Big changes ahead, I just didn't want to be a downer."

Enter coronavirus, market volatility, Mike Pence at the helm.
It makes a girl want to swim out and stay out.

Luckily no viruses can spread between the blog nation, so pull up a chair and feel free to cough where ever you please.

Bruce sent me something from a doctor who seems slightly paranoid, but see below. (Forgive me if he already sent it to you.)  I don't think it is such a bad idea to get what is on the list.
The good news is the Corona virus spreads quickly because it doesn't kill people quickly. So yay. (?)

Someone asked for a Chicago update and all seems good. Frederick interviewed for a research position with an astrophysics professor who had no shoes on, and his feet up. He was, apparently, wearing "dad socks". Of course F doesn't have a lot to offer this man who was on a Nobel prize winning team, but he was very kind and said he could probably scare up something for Chico to do. First he wanted to send him some papers on the topic he was working on and Frederick called me and read this sentence:

In the Standard cosmological model, initial conditions are set by a combination of a uniform inflationary background spacetime, and perturbations from fluctuations of a quantum field vacuum matched to linearized gravity. 

Then, after a short silence, F said simply "I don't know what that means." lol
But it seems he is on his way to studying what he has always loved- the space way above.

OK here is what we are to do, and then- and this is the important part: We go enjoy life. Wash your hands then go dancing. Also after you read it and need a pick me up, review the video of Lindsay J's daughter's horse and dog (a Parson Russell of course) nuzzling. It will help


Dear Family and Friends, as some of you may recall, when I was a professor of pathology at the University of California San Diego, I was one of the first molecular virologists in the world to work on coronaviruses (the 1970s). I was the first to demonstrate the number of genes the virus contained. Since then, I have kept up with the coronavirus field and its multiple clinical transfers into the human population (e.g., SARS, MERS), from different animal sources.

The current projections for its expansion in the US are only probable, due to continued insufficient worldwide data, but it is most likely to be widespread by mid to late March and April.
Here is what I have done and the precautions that I take and will take. These are the same precautions I currently use during our influenza seasons, except for the mask and gloves.:
1) NO HANDSHAKING! Use a fist bump, slight bow, elbow bump, etc.
2) Use ONLY your knuckle to touch light switches. elevator buttons, etc.. Lift the gasoline dispenser with a paper towel or use a disposable glove.
3) Open doors with your closed fist or hip - do not grasp the handle with your hand, unless there is no other way to open the door. Especially important on bathroom and post office/commercial doors.
4) Use disinfectant wipes at the stores when they are available, including wiping the handle and child seat in grocery carts.
5) Wash your hands with soap for 10-20 seconds and/or use a greater than 60% alcohol-based hand sanitizer whenever you return home from ANY activity that involves locations where other people have been.
6) Keep a bottle of sanitizer available at each of your home's entrances. AND in your car for use after getting gas or touching other contaminated objects when you can't immediately wash your hands.
7) If possible, cough or sneeze into a disposable tissue and discard. Use your elbow only if you have to. The clothing on your elbow will contain an infectious virus
If possible, cough or sneeze into a disposable tissue and discard. Use your elbow only if you have to. The clothing on your elbow will contain an infectious virus that can be passed on for up to a week or more!

What I have stocked in preparation for the pandemic spread to the US:
1) Latex or nitrile latex disposable gloves for use when going shopping, using the gasoline pump, and all other outside activity when you come in contact with contaminated areas.
Note: This virus is spread in large droplets by coughing and sneezing. This means that the air will not infect you! BUT all the surfaces where these droplets land is infectious for about a week on average - everything that is associated with infected people will be contaminated and potentially infectious. The virus is on surfaces and you will not be infected unless your unprotected face is directly coughed or sneezed upon. This virus only has cell receptors for lung cells (it only infects your lungs). The only way for the virus to infect you is through your nose or mouth via your hands or an infected cough or sneeze onto or into your nose or mouth.
2) Stock up now with disposable surgical masks and use them to prevent you from touching your nose and/or mouth (We touch our nose/mouth 90X/day without knowing it!). This is the only way this virus can infect you - it is lung-specific. The mask will not prevent the virus in a direct sneeze from getting into your nose or mouth - it is only to keep you from touching your nose or mouth.
3) Stock up now with hand sanitizers and latex/nitrile gloves (get the appropriate sizes for your family). The hand sanitizers must be alcohol-based and greater than 60% alcohol to be effective.
4) Stock up now with zinc lozenges. These lozenges have been proven to be effective in blocking coronavirus (and most other viruses) from multiplying in your throat and nasopharynx. Use as directed several times each day when you begin to feel ANY "cold-like" symptoms beginning. It is best to lie down and let the lozenge dissolve in the back of your throat and nasopharynx. Cold-Eeze lozenges is one brand available, but there are other brands available.
I, as many others do, hope that this pandemic will be reasonably contained, BUT I personally do not think it will be. Humans have never seen this snake-associated virus before and have no internal defense against it. Tremendous worldwide efforts are being made to understand the molecular and clinical virology of this virus. Unbelievable molecular knowledge about the genomics, structure, and virulence of this virus has already been achieved. BUT, there will be NO drugs or vaccines available this year to protect us or limit the infection within us. Only symptomatic support is available.
I hope these personal thoughts will be helpful during this potentially catastrophic pandemic. Good luck to all of us,
James Robb, MD FCAP

xxx