Elephant Seals Don't Watch the News

We have returned from a surprisingly restful weekend. I decided to organize a hookey day last Friday and head to see the elephant seals at Año Nuevo State Park- a place we had never been; I can report it was a good idea.  The plan was to take the seal tour on Friday, and then head down to Pebble Beach for the weekend. Sellies came along, because they had never been either.

So it seems that our California shores are the place that from November to March elephant seals come to give birth, sleep, then get pregnant again before heading out to swim and eat for the next 8  months. The orgy/birthing party seems fun- lots of sleeping and elephant seal love; with the result being many of these adorable blobs of sleeping fat that are the babies. The guide, a sensitive type with Cal Bears and Grateful Dead pins on his ranger hat, warned us that there would be sad parts on the walk- death and desertion to name a few. Indeed the life of a seal is not for the faint of heart- mother and child are united only 28 days after birth, and in that time, the little one has to fatten up and learn to swim. Then the mother gets pregnant again and swims out to travel up and around, far away, deep and wide, gorging herself; only to return to do the same thing again.

Feast your eyes on some elephant seal ....we’ll call it dating. Apparently this female is not in the mood, but the male (who looks suspiciously like Harvey Weinstein) isn’t listening. I will spare you the other video that shows how, after striking out with the mother, “Harvey” tries to romance the baby. This is apparently a thing with elephant seals- bless their hearts- and it is one of the reasons the pups only have a fifty percent survival rate. (you don't want an amorous 5, 000 pound elephant seal turning his lonely eyes to you when you are a. a baby and b. his child. )
We were instructed to keep quiet, but it was all I could do to not throw something at the thing.



Now that things have gone truly, madly weird and we are losing money every time Trump opens his mouth, Frederick is being sent home as Chicago closes, we are cancelling Jackson Hole and avoiding hugging and standing in crowds; now that we are at that point, there must be a concerted effort from you people to find the silver lining. Send in ideas because I need them.