e is away....: April 2022

This entry began many times but kept becoming obsolete. We went from Chicago to Zurich to Lech, and are now back on the plane flying towards Chicago.

Chicago alternated between quite warm and freezing; we saw a Bulls game where we were treated to a performance by 75 year old cheerleaders and a public service announcement that asked fans to be nice (God I love the Midwest….) Dinners with Frederick were as illuminating as ever. He revealed to us what most mathematicians said was their favorite proof (Euler’s theory) where e is an irrational number that goes on forever. (This is as good a title as any for my autobiography.) He also said he read about a proposal for leaders of nuclear nations to hide the codes in the body of the second in command. The only way to launch a weapon would be do kill the number two and cut the codes out, thereby negating any frivolous threats.

On one of his precious Saturdays he and his roommates entered a contest where they would take the SAT, but they could take it as a group and use any tools they wanted: calculators, the internet, family priests; with the prize being $20,000. The team they assembled included an SAT tutor who got a 1600 (there were a few 1600s) and they took the time to devise a strategy: mini teams of two to check each other's work and a massive shared spreadsheet. And drum roll: they got a score that was lower than any of them had gotten when taken the normal way. HA!!! I believe they came 64th out of 580. Thomas has not really figured out how to handle this but says simply if no team (as was reported) got a perfect score with all of this help, then we have entered a new dimension.

In this blog I was planning on complaining about being exiled to my Telegraph Hill tower: a sort of a Napoleon meets Rapunzel sob story, but war broke out in Europe and thwarted my dreams of whining. I found the news so upsetting- it reminded me of being a kid in the 80s worried about nuclear war, where your thoughts keep spinning around bouncing off a wall of fear. Our little fund of course doesn’t look so stable with drunk Chechens guarding nuclear power plants, so Thomas was not available to console me. He just spent a lot of time adjusting leverage and pining for the weekend.

Friends in Zurich were genuinely worried about things, as was my father in law when I asked him. He is neither sentimental nor patriotic- rather, he wants as many passports as possible so he can get out. He believes in leaving unstable places whenever possible, but maintains it is better to be under Russian rule than dead. This I suppose is a legitimate point of view, but I think if I could be the woman safely in Poland or the one who gave the Russian soldiers sunflower seeds so something would grow on their graves, I really think I would rather be the latter.

I read in the FT that there were some Russian soldiers who just shot their own commandant because really that seemed quicker. Oh I know Gandhi would groan, but aren’t we all loving these Ukrainians? Don’t we all want to believe some things are worth being dead for?

Anyway I arrived in Europe in this fragile state and skiing just seemed so ridiculous. Luckily I was surrounded by the A team of Harumi and her husband Martin; and while Harumi was busy fixing another broken soul, I had a few days with Martin and Thomas. This turned out to be exactly what I needed. Martin is a very funny extroverted German who rumor has it fell in love with his wife when he watched her take her ski guide test down some cliff. He always seems happy and yodels as he leads you off a ledge, but he has enormous ski guide eyes that make you think maybe you will survive it all: the cliff, the Russians, and the Austrian diet. It's like being looked at with blue beacons. I greeted him by explaining that I was seriously worried about dying in a nuclear explosion far from Frederick, and skiing seemed banal. (I may have quoted Camus). When he said nothing in response, I repeated my fears, counting them on my little mittened hand; but he just continued looking at me and said what these types always say: “Let’s go skiing Ellie”.

Harumi had put the fear of God in him telling him under no circumstances was I to die that day, so he was reasonable: a 25 minute stroll up a hill and a very long uncomplicated ski down. I had mentioned Harumi always brought me a thermos of tea and chocolates, and not to be undone he somehow manifested a restaurant in the woods where we got coffee - cappuccinos even, on fur blankets. We then took a bus and had lunch at an actual ski museum (pro move) and then somehow skied more and more and more. It seemed slightly too long for me to be away from Frau Schneider’s bosom….preferring as I do, to get home in time for tea, but I didn’t think about Ukraine once.

He and Thomas hatched a plan to hike up a hill under the full moon to dinner one night, and ski home. I wanted Thomas to go first and report back, and I can say I blew it. It really sounded sublime. I have never skied under the influence of wheat beer and ham, but I will in December for sure.

Most days after that we skied with Harumi who really took apart all of our styles. Frederick needs to widen his hands and Thomas should make his knees fractionally more parallel.

My problems are too numerous to count here, but we all tried very hard to make Harumi happy.

When she is not skiing she is a shy polite, lovely Japanese woman. But on skis….on skis honey she is the maestro, she is the wind, she is what makes women beautiful. I burst with pride when I see the Austrian men stop to watch her, with Thomas and Frederick and me trailing her like her crazed baby ducklings or perhaps drunk bridesmaids...I am not sure of the metaphor.

Anyway what can I say? Lech is a salve for the nervous soul. The mountains are noble and kind but best of all, they are unflappable. (If they aren't worried about Russia, why should we be?) So consider going to the mountains for your next wartime vacation! Chances are you will be fed and watered with sunshine, and you will feel better. You will also hear all the advice a person needs to hear to be happy:

Gather the people you love, get your knees in the right position; and take flight.