Greeting Blogyalists!
First full day at sea. Apparently we have gone about 280 nautical miles; around two thousand to go. I cannot tell you the sanguine feeling that prompts in the Wehlen family. So much ocean still to cross!
A special shout out is herewith given to Miss Amy R of San Francisco, CA for pointing out that Alaska and Hawaii became states in the late fifties and the painting was before that, so JJ 's painting is in fact worth 20 million clams and not $9.99 as the Germans claimed. I had mused this very point at the museum, but was roundly booed down by husband. Well anyway we were the belle of the ball at the math museum...history shmistory. Also Amy gets kudos for emailing me at sea. I do get emails people, just not texts.
Where was I?
Oh here in our little Utopia there is one thing that is thoroughly un American. At home it appears most of us are winners; distinctly above average in every way. Here on the QM2, we are losers. This was pointed out to us by the new, extremely handsome, tattooed, Portuguese sports director when he gave his opening remarks. He said we would all play against the sports directors and we would all lose. He actually said that: “You will have absolutely no chance”. Luckily English people do not take offense. In fact they couldn’t agree more: “…quite right…we are worthless, really”. He also eschewed the more traditional sports director greeting that says This Is ALL going to be fun!! And went with a: Actually this is more of a try out. We are not sure you deserve to be up here at all vibe. It was unnerving. And we were nervous enough already after a tense elevator ride with a person wearing a t shirt with tennis rackets on it; if clothes make the athlete, we were screwed.
Here was the group: one pasty faced American man; three cave chested Englishmen; one of whom was the guy from the elevator. Me. Frederick. We have to wait because the two sports directors are on the court whacking it back and forth. They are very good...they keep playing. We keep waiting...Why should they stop? We are worthless, they are good. They want to finish.
MMB is there ready for rhinos and keeps saying (why get off a winning joke) I’M FROM SPORTS ILLUSTRATED!! hhahahaha. A word must be said about her outfit. Visualize a person on safari, but just off of a cruise ship, headed for the Alps. If she were in a sentence she would be a mixed metaphor:
blue and white striped nautical sweater; safari vest filled with camera equipment; Swiss handkerchief around the neck with little edelweiss on it. But of course on a cruise ship she looks normal. She is more than that; she is a sort of retired super hero/comedienne/femme fatale. She entered breakfast and Tchaikovsky was playing and she literally did a little ballet number…pirouetted down the aisle to the guffaws of the English pensioners. Keep in mind this is without benefit of caffeine or alcohol..just joie de boat vivre.
Where was I?
Yes ok so long story short, every team goes down to the mighty Portuguese man and English girl side kick. The wind is 20 knots; we are whiffing balls; we are crashing into the sides; it is hideous. Through it all the Portuguese guy laughs, taunts, ridicules, gloats and generally behaves like a bully from an after school special. And we take it. I lamely try to organize the assembled and start cheering for the “guests” by chanting GUESTS GUESTS !!!..but the English are just so slow to rise up against their tormentors. Then, because my mother and I seem to be having a good time, two very attractive, young, American probably lesbians or at least girls trying something their mothers would not approve of come up. They sense fun. What is this? Paddle tennis tournament. Who’s winning? Mean directors. And then right into the fray they go GUESTS GUESTS GUESTS!! USA USA USA. How I love them!! The Portuguese guy gets a load of the hot women and because he is an idiot thinks he has a shot at them. So he says, you want to play? And she says I don’t know how..and I put a racket in her hand and push her out there. Well I am here to tell you the drama began. My countrywoman had clearly spent a lot of time with the boys (she was dressed as one) and she was not going to go quietly into the night. She lept, she crouched, she stole balls from Edwin the guy from the elevator who is probably in a paddle tennis guild, she taunted the Portuguese guy back, we cheered, my mother shot photos, it was ecstasy!
Then she lost. I’m telling you those guys were good.
Just when we thought is was finally, mercifully over…Thomas arrives on deck and I say: we have another player! One more! And the Lesbians are saying USA USA until I tell themGERMANY GERMANY! I am sure you see where this is going: the arc of the story towards justice and redemption and a tennis ball shoved down the Portuguese guy’s mouth. Thomas grabbing a racket and making it all right with the world.
No. They lost too. Then Thomas went to a golf tournament and came in second (!?) and he said Mr. Portugal was even worse with the taunting there…Some guy named Hugh kept being yelled at, and even worse Portugal pronounced it “Hug”, finally Hug said: can you please call me Hugh while you are calling me worthless? And Portugal said Who!!! You call that a golf swing??!!!
People from Various countries were interviewed about
who they thought would win the world cup. All of them, except one answered :
Brazil wins; and one’s own country will come in second. Only people from the United
States, whose coach says they might not win one game, answered: US wins all.
They had no opinion on second place. T.
Wehlen
I have spent too much time on sports so far…We have weather!!! Big rolling happening. One girl was barfing over the side of the ship. But keep in mind that everyone else was having a perfectly grand time, and I was jogging (Brighams do not get sea sick). Truthfully she might have been hung over.
My mother is going to lectures and winning friends. Ping Pong starts today. I will go see Tilda and famed director Wes Anderson give a talk before the showing of some film. Black and White ball last night. Black tie again tonight. England lost. Turkish man resplendent in white tie last night made my mother announce I bet you are POPULAR!!! And took his picture again and again.
Oh met a couple from next table and MMB finds out the man is turning 94 on Monday. Wife is 87 and looks fab. I really want to find out when she had the face lifts because she looks 67. Anyway she is in a walker because she broke her leg; it is close to 11 pm and they are just leaving dinner; they seem weary. She says, in her large diamond necklace and very nice dress: “We are ancient.” Then she sighs and stops pushing her walker and asks us: Where is the ball? Deck one or two?
Dance on Girl, Dance on.
(Pictures will come, but the weather is bad and it is mid day so internet is too slow..but I promise!)
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