Out of Africa

OK OK here I am from (very) very hot Dubai. Little known fact: Dubai is humid. That's right...like New York in August, but hot.  It actually makes you laugh...until you cry.
Anyway...much, much to share. Africa was as amazing as one imagines it to be. We were flown from Dar es Salaam to a tiny airstrip where two jeeps from our first camp were waiting. The drive from the airport to the camp was about 15 minutes and along the way we saw giraffe and bouncing impala-things that we have seen since we were children in books, and tell us we are in Africa: home to all mankind.
The first place was on a river with hippos and nile crocodile. Both are very dangerous to man, but live somehow in harmony with each other. The rooms have thatched roofs and side walls, but no front wall. So it is just you and the hippos, which can be loud. Also one hears the slinky, slithering sound of the croc who is truly a terrifying anumal.
Anyway first night we are taken on an evening cruise down the hippo filled river to a beach and the crocs slide off when we get there and the children fish (!) and Frederick gets a croc on the line, but all seems mellow...guide (heavenly man named Emmanuel) cuts the line..hahaha..hakuna matata.
Days start with coffee brought to room and then early morning game drive, then home, lunch, then rest, then afternoon drive into the sunset, then drinks, then bed, then all over again.
We get really lucky and see wild dogs and we sleep to the crazy sounds of Africa and we shower under the open air and I am Meryl Streep- afraid of nothing. It is simply the most romantic place I have ever seen. The kiddies sleep in the same bed and cling to each other a bit, but they are scared in a good way. It is luxury Africa and they know it...picnics in the bush cooked by many noble black men who laugh at them and love them..and all is good.
But then one fine morning we go on a long cruise to a place where we might see leopards from the little boats and on the way we keep getting harassed by 2 ton hippos..in lets not forget..crocodile infested f ing waters and I have two children aboard. I am not happy. The boat is very light weight and one gets stuck often on the sand bank and everyone laughs at my discomfort.
I come home and go to bed. I am that frazzled. Later we come to dinner and it is delayed. The managers come out and say there has been an incident and it is serious even though no one is hurt, but more gin all around.
Well cut to the chase...a newly arrived honeymoon couple and a 60 year old french couple arrived, took their evening welcome cruise and got tipped by a hippo and had to swim in the croc waters for 10 minutes.
This had apparently never happened in 20 years, even though I, Ellie Streep hippo whisperer, was concerned by the same thing only hours before. I cannot begin to tell you the color these people were when they came to dinner. British, but paler. Martian, but greener.
No surprise to bloggers who love me, that I conducted a thorough interview (in French no less) and have more details. But we must sleep now before another marathon trip to zurich via london. I promise more soon.
Also the next place was so unbelievable...unreal luxury..and we went on a walking safari with two armed leaders of man types..and no joke got charged by an elephant (they call them ellies here) . Almost had to witness the death of my favorite animal.
Persian carpets in the open air bathroom, gin and iced towels handed to you in the bush...it is a wonder we came back.
The boys have been such a source of joy to us. Charlie has taken his comedy to a new level and kills me...we were laughing so hard in the back of the jeep that the guide said the lions might notice and eat us. Today at the HUGE dubai mall from hell we gave them money and said see you in 45 minutes. When they returned Charlie said AUNTIE (he calls me that) look what we got...he got a blob of blue goo that one..I don't know..plays with. It is utterly useless and slightly unappetizing. F got a calculator that..wait for it. ..does NOT give you the answer..it says YOU TELL ME when you type in 1+1. Perfect. Charlie said DOESN"T THAT SAY EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR PERSONALITIES????!!
I could not argue. CMB...fun, whimsical, blue goo...F wanting to boss a calculator around.
xx

Hakuna Matata

Where to begin Where to begin....Charlie charlie charlie. In Muslim countries. ....but first....

We loved Washington, loved seeing the white house all the time (so close to the street!) so loved the sites, Lincoln's speeches written in stone. They always choke me up: always. I do however think he might have been one of those great geniuses who wrote the speech in the car (horse) on the way to Gettysburg. If you re read it, you might agree he could have used a little bit of editing: he says "here" too much ...it is slightly distracting.  Also there is a mangled sentence in the second inaugural. I know this is blasphemy to the people who worship him (as I do) but it's true. I got the feeling in that memorial that he is cringing ever so slightly at its imperfections.
But but but.. as if to remind us there was simply no one like him, he awes with the beauty and controlled vehemence of this: 

Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether." every drop  of blood drawn with the lash! shall be paid by another drawn with the sword! Come on! The little black man at my side at the memorial was patting my shoulder at this point. Kills me. I just think he started a bit late writing some speeches. that's all I'm sayin. Ok now to comedy. and statistics. 14 minutes. That is the amount of time it took young Charles McCune (as they called him in Dar es Salaam airport) to say the words AL QAEDA!! kind of loudly in Dubai. When we landed and took the walk to a bizarre in-airport hotel...which had no windows to the outside, and one does not even go through passport control to reach it...it is totally inside. ..but on the way there were plenty of women in full black veils, and men in skull caps (he thought that meant they were "hebrew" and said that also loudly..).and saudi types in their funny robes, was the only time the children stopped yacking to each other. Charlie was agape. He walked into walls. Then the next morning we fly to Tanzania..and the children are in coach and we are in business (emirates...most unbelievable business class luxury ever)...and Charlie comes up to me (see photo) to wake me in my air conditioned splendor to ask for more chocolates from up front for his "friends" people in the back he has asked to teach him to swear in Swahili. Then he shows me photo after photo of him holding one black  perfect beautiful muslim baby after another. One had a fully veiled mother..who said nothing. But the father in long white cloaks and skull cap (aka a hebrew) said to him..where are you from . AMERICA! well the man said, you are so kind, and you smile all the time, you will go very far in life. (!!!) way to go CHUMU!!! make one muslim friend at a time. All over the world, until they like us. and they will. Check out the photos...he does nothing but play with their children, spreading love and sunshine and chocolate. He is now so exhausted..we put them into bed at 8 after sampling a chocolate fountain at the buffet. Ridiculous. Tomorrow we will fly in small plane to the outback in time for an evening game drive. The frederick and charlie duo have gotten even funnier. Because before we used to laugh only at them..now they have a bit of game. Had us in stitches describing the typical american approach to safari, i.e. the BIG FIVE. all the New Yorkers demand to see the BIG FIVE (lion, zebra, hippo, giraffe..blah blah0 and it is like a competitive sport back on the upper east side. So the children took a riff on this and said they would chest butt and high five with each one. Trouble is they are so loud and chatty (discussing I am not kidding everything from chinese currency manipulation to whether or not Jesus married) that we will not see any f ing animals. So it will be the BIG five insects. Took us three hours to get out of paspsort control and a 5 mile drive to the hotel, but the man who picked us up said simply Relax...! all good all good. Hakuna Matata. Charlie: what MOVIE IS THAT FROM?????!!!!!! Crashed cousins at airport pool in Dubai during layover Dubai with group of veiled women giggling behind them Waking me up to get business class chocolate new friends more friends

Summer Blog 2013 coming soon!

This was from a couple summers ago...but someone sent it to me just now.
Spoiler alert- we will be going soon to Tanzania with young Charles, one of the world's best cousins; and well known and highly popular figure to loyal blog readers everywhere.
xx