I thought quarantining would be more relaxing....

I don't think Thomas and I are doing this thing right. One gets the impression that everyone else is doing puzzles and learning Finnish while we are slogging away trying to keep the fund afloat, but with no house help. My sexy artist friend called her housekeeper and asked "If I were a vacuum cleaner, where would I be?" lol. Groceries take all this planning now and I feel like some sort of frontier woman (I am two days away from having to beat the carpets). But one of the biggest time suckers is the fact that I am on (Lord help me) multiple group texts from women in the "50 something with money and lots of time for candles and chanting" demographic. Some are very good at sending a group text; alas, some are not. I received one today that was supposedly a missive from Bill Gates (which I doubt). On and on it went as I stroked my phone to the end, where he listed 14 things the Coronavirus was trying to teach us. Included were gems like: we can be patient or we can panic; or this can be an end, or a new beginning.  Now while Eloise is getting tips from her friends like "how to fake home schooling with nothing more than an ipad and some chocolate", or "reducing the noise from your blender while on a conference call"; I am getting: A Heartfelt Letter from Covid 19 to humans. Who would open mail from Covid-19!
And as if the poems and quotes were not enough, each and every woman has to thank each and every woman for her wise words. Heart emoji; Prayer emoji.

Let me correct "Bill Gates" or any other person now in the lotus position if I may. There is only one thing the Coronavirus is teaching us and that is that competence matters. The better the government response to the initial threat, the lower Ellie's inconvenience (the E.I. quotient). Seriously,  five summer interns with hangovers at Mckinsey would have stopped this thing quicker.  I know Americans think everything only happens here, but it is in fact happening everywhere-and here is the important part: just not to the same degree. In Taiwan, they are going to work and restaurants. Yes, they have people in hazmat suits taking everyone's temperature as they come and go, but that is it.
Knowledge matters! Competence matters! Truth matters!
(Prayer emoji. High five emoji.)

Ok now that I have ranted, I can give a party report. We had the first of what I hope will be many driveway cocktail parties, in which Tommy comes and sits outside his car, with drinks and potato chips placed by the planter.

Also in the good news column: Chico is home! Had to go through San Diego and came out practically licking the handle of the baggage trolly, but he seems happy and healthy. He pointed out he hasn't lived at home since he was 13 and this all seems delightful. We reminded him the magic around here was somewhat dimmer without Le Javier...but he is unfazed.
The other night I went to get water at 3 a.m. (must hydrate during the apocalypse) and saw that Frederick's light was still on. I asked him what was up. Oh he said, I lost track of time watching this thing on the giant squids of the deep ocean. Somehow that gives me hope.

As many of you know, I believe that when picking a life partner, one should ask what would this person be like in a life raft? Are they facile with rubber boat design? Can they fish or row? Would they share the sun block and the last of the gummi bears? Could they make you laugh as you bobbed in the lonely sea? Thomas is obviously a world class candidate in many of those categories (which is why I looked past the ridiculous sweater below). Our boat would be in excellent shape, there would be fish organized by genus and he would stand over me to protect me from the sun. I can't imagine him cracking any jokes; but he has a more important quality, and that is he laughs at all of mine  (the only life raft skill I can offer).  This period of time we are in now is separating the A level life rafters from the herd, and to mark this, I have been handing out life boat grades. Last week I was the undisputed champion: baking metaphorical cakes,  emailing actual Canadian scientists, telling jokes all day. Then I experimented with a new brand of high alcohol cider and came to the edge of a very dark place imagining a world where this was all we could do or have.  Luckily Frederick has been on a tear: cheerfully doing more chores than I have ever seen a person do, including detailing my car (I paid him for that one). The rest of the time he is looking for a place that will teach him what spherical harmonics is, or brushing up on the life span of the giant squid. He goes in the raft for sure.

A few other A plus life rafters have shown themselves this week. Laura P sends really beautiful poems and quotes and our masseur buddy sends the funniest things I have seen...I have to laugh even if I planned on not laughing that day.  And Margaret G ! Such a towering example of calm even though she is in Milan- offering no complaints, and patiently listening to all of mine. Then she sent me some old photos from business school (apparently she has finished her Finnish and is now organizing her photographs.) 
Ahh the good old days of doing nothing, but thinking you were doing a lot of incredibly important things. 

My favorite is the one of us at graduation- with Pop peeking through. (Broken Heart emoji. )

La Quarantena, Day Uno

As you probably already know, the word 'quarantine' has its origins in Venetian dialect, and relates to the forty days of isolation ships and people had to observe during the plague.  Like so many of the best words: la catastrophe and la peste in French; as well as 'bowel cancer' in Hungarian; la quarantena is feminine.

So here we are trying desperately to flatten the curve and avoid killing the elderly.  I'm game. I am however a bit nervous giving up so much of what I love. Thomas said Javier had to stay home and no mariachi bands have masks that fit over the trumpets; so we are on our own.  I overheard one man saying that when the kids came home from college, he was going to take them camping and tell them that "he and mommy were now taking edibles" but he would appreciate no judgement.

It is rather interesting how T is reacting to our diminished circumstances. If you think about it, a quarantine is a once in a life time dream for introverts- like burning man if burning man came once a century.  While I am having all this anxiety about being separated from humans- counting on my fingers all the things I cannot do: group exercise, and acupuncture and eating in a restaurant and kissing, Thomas is pretending to be the face of sad stoicism; but he is psyched. He actually said he was "really looking forward to being alone with me for three weeks". LOL!! Do we not spend enough time together already? (I am laughing as I write this).  He still gets everything he loves- me, exercise and unlimited Bloomberg charts. Throw in a few saunas and TV in the middle of the day, and you can see why he hopes this goes on forever.

Before this started, I called Amy and said she needed to get over here because I haven't seen them in so long. I proposed that we sit outside where we would be safe from germs, and said I would finally buy a fire pit (you all know my obsession with wood fires). And then slam...we get shut down. So I told Thomas that either he bought one or I would, and he would not be happy with my choice.  So he researches, and of course the best ones are in Italy, and in about four quarantenas, it should arrive.

But feast your eyes on the one we chose above. When this nightmare is over, believe me- we shall burn all the wood we want, and we will dance around the fire like the pagan goddesses we are.
You have my word.

NEW SEGMENT!
Most amusing things heard during Ellie's quarantine.

KMH brief but distinct loss of language when I told her Gladys would have to go home too.
KMH trying to think of something fun to do that was allowed, and came up with the idea of going to the dentist.
Brooke C telling her father when he came home from Australia that "she had Coronavirus and it did not look good." Before her sister said "Ahh we are going to need to confirm that."
F landed his little research project with the astro physicist in dad socks, and was told by said physicist that he should get comfortable with "spherical harmonics". Thomas has never heard of it, so we are in weird waters now honey.

Living with Corona

The New York Times' podcast is now (God how I love them) producing a podcast of comfort: things that are making the staff feel better in these weird times.  One person read from a cookbook about how to store food (looking at you Amy R), and another read an excerpt from C.S. Lewis's essay Living in an Atomic Age.  Lewis wrote it in 1948 or so, at the time of peak fear of atomic bombs.
We need to perhaps skip the dart playing for a while, but he has the right idea. Anyway, I loved it so much I have printed it below.

Me? I am getting massages and giving money away to people who ask. Then I douse my skin with mud masks and my insides with a little vodka. So far so good.


"In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. “How are we to live in an atomic age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors—anesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."

“On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essays

Elephant Seals Don't Watch the News

We have returned from a surprisingly restful weekend. I decided to organize a hookey day last Friday and head to see the elephant seals at Año Nuevo State Park- a place we had never been; I can report it was a good idea.  The plan was to take the seal tour on Friday, and then head down to Pebble Beach for the weekend. Sellies came along, because they had never been either.

So it seems that our California shores are the place that from November to March elephant seals come to give birth, sleep, then get pregnant again before heading out to swim and eat for the next 8  months. The orgy/birthing party seems fun- lots of sleeping and elephant seal love; with the result being many of these adorable blobs of sleeping fat that are the babies. The guide, a sensitive type with Cal Bears and Grateful Dead pins on his ranger hat, warned us that there would be sad parts on the walk- death and desertion to name a few. Indeed the life of a seal is not for the faint of heart- mother and child are united only 28 days after birth, and in that time, the little one has to fatten up and learn to swim. Then the mother gets pregnant again and swims out to travel up and around, far away, deep and wide, gorging herself; only to return to do the same thing again.

Feast your eyes on some elephant seal ....we’ll call it dating. Apparently this female is not in the mood, but the male (who looks suspiciously like Harvey Weinstein) isn’t listening. I will spare you the other video that shows how, after striking out with the mother, “Harvey” tries to romance the baby. This is apparently a thing with elephant seals- bless their hearts- and it is one of the reasons the pups only have a fifty percent survival rate. (you don't want an amorous 5, 000 pound elephant seal turning his lonely eyes to you when you are a. a baby and b. his child. )
We were instructed to keep quiet, but it was all I could do to not throw something at the thing.



Now that things have gone truly, madly weird and we are losing money every time Trump opens his mouth, Frederick is being sent home as Chicago closes, we are cancelling Jackson Hole and avoiding hugging and standing in crowds; now that we are at that point, there must be a concerted effort from you people to find the silver lining. Send in ideas because I need them.

Blogs Don't Get Quarantined (and other good news...)

I had been having a lot of dreams about the ocean, and a friend (our massage therapist, who doubles as a therapist therapist because this is California) said it was all good news- lots of money and chocolate coming my way. When I told him that was not what I read on the YOUR DREAMS ANALYZED website; that wild oceans and humans in an aquarium were perhaps more ominous snapshots of my psyche, he said, "yea that's right. Big changes ahead, I just didn't want to be a downer."

Enter coronavirus, market volatility, Mike Pence at the helm.
It makes a girl want to swim out and stay out.

Luckily no viruses can spread between the blog nation, so pull up a chair and feel free to cough where ever you please.

Bruce sent me something from a doctor who seems slightly paranoid, but see below. (Forgive me if he already sent it to you.)  I don't think it is such a bad idea to get what is on the list.
The good news is the Corona virus spreads quickly because it doesn't kill people quickly. So yay. (?)

Someone asked for a Chicago update and all seems good. Frederick interviewed for a research position with an astrophysics professor who had no shoes on, and his feet up. He was, apparently, wearing "dad socks". Of course F doesn't have a lot to offer this man who was on a Nobel prize winning team, but he was very kind and said he could probably scare up something for Chico to do. First he wanted to send him some papers on the topic he was working on and Frederick called me and read this sentence:

In the Standard cosmological model, initial conditions are set by a combination of a uniform inflationary background spacetime, and perturbations from fluctuations of a quantum field vacuum matched to linearized gravity. 

Then, after a short silence, F said simply "I don't know what that means." lol
But it seems he is on his way to studying what he has always loved- the space way above.

OK here is what we are to do, and then- and this is the important part: We go enjoy life. Wash your hands then go dancing. Also after you read it and need a pick me up, review the video of Lindsay J's daughter's horse and dog (a Parson Russell of course) nuzzling. It will help


Dear Family and Friends, as some of you may recall, when I was a professor of pathology at the University of California San Diego, I was one of the first molecular virologists in the world to work on coronaviruses (the 1970s). I was the first to demonstrate the number of genes the virus contained. Since then, I have kept up with the coronavirus field and its multiple clinical transfers into the human population (e.g., SARS, MERS), from different animal sources.

The current projections for its expansion in the US are only probable, due to continued insufficient worldwide data, but it is most likely to be widespread by mid to late March and April.
Here is what I have done and the precautions that I take and will take. These are the same precautions I currently use during our influenza seasons, except for the mask and gloves.:
1) NO HANDSHAKING! Use a fist bump, slight bow, elbow bump, etc.
2) Use ONLY your knuckle to touch light switches. elevator buttons, etc.. Lift the gasoline dispenser with a paper towel or use a disposable glove.
3) Open doors with your closed fist or hip - do not grasp the handle with your hand, unless there is no other way to open the door. Especially important on bathroom and post office/commercial doors.
4) Use disinfectant wipes at the stores when they are available, including wiping the handle and child seat in grocery carts.
5) Wash your hands with soap for 10-20 seconds and/or use a greater than 60% alcohol-based hand sanitizer whenever you return home from ANY activity that involves locations where other people have been.
6) Keep a bottle of sanitizer available at each of your home's entrances. AND in your car for use after getting gas or touching other contaminated objects when you can't immediately wash your hands.
7) If possible, cough or sneeze into a disposable tissue and discard. Use your elbow only if you have to. The clothing on your elbow will contain an infectious virus
If possible, cough or sneeze into a disposable tissue and discard. Use your elbow only if you have to. The clothing on your elbow will contain an infectious virus that can be passed on for up to a week or more!

What I have stocked in preparation for the pandemic spread to the US:
1) Latex or nitrile latex disposable gloves for use when going shopping, using the gasoline pump, and all other outside activity when you come in contact with contaminated areas.
Note: This virus is spread in large droplets by coughing and sneezing. This means that the air will not infect you! BUT all the surfaces where these droplets land is infectious for about a week on average - everything that is associated with infected people will be contaminated and potentially infectious. The virus is on surfaces and you will not be infected unless your unprotected face is directly coughed or sneezed upon. This virus only has cell receptors for lung cells (it only infects your lungs). The only way for the virus to infect you is through your nose or mouth via your hands or an infected cough or sneeze onto or into your nose or mouth.
2) Stock up now with disposable surgical masks and use them to prevent you from touching your nose and/or mouth (We touch our nose/mouth 90X/day without knowing it!). This is the only way this virus can infect you - it is lung-specific. The mask will not prevent the virus in a direct sneeze from getting into your nose or mouth - it is only to keep you from touching your nose or mouth.
3) Stock up now with hand sanitizers and latex/nitrile gloves (get the appropriate sizes for your family). The hand sanitizers must be alcohol-based and greater than 60% alcohol to be effective.
4) Stock up now with zinc lozenges. These lozenges have been proven to be effective in blocking coronavirus (and most other viruses) from multiplying in your throat and nasopharynx. Use as directed several times each day when you begin to feel ANY "cold-like" symptoms beginning. It is best to lie down and let the lozenge dissolve in the back of your throat and nasopharynx. Cold-Eeze lozenges is one brand available, but there are other brands available.
I, as many others do, hope that this pandemic will be reasonably contained, BUT I personally do not think it will be. Humans have never seen this snake-associated virus before and have no internal defense against it. Tremendous worldwide efforts are being made to understand the molecular and clinical virology of this virus. Unbelievable molecular knowledge about the genomics, structure, and virulence of this virus has already been achieved. BUT, there will be NO drugs or vaccines available this year to protect us or limit the infection within us. Only symptomatic support is available.
I hope these personal thoughts will be helpful during this potentially catastrophic pandemic. Good luck to all of us,
James Robb, MD FCAP

xxx

Calling a few honest men ....

I told Thomas that I was having romantic feelings towards this man. He was the house impeachment lawyer and he is kinky- into rule of law and justice and weeeeeird things like that. I love him and Thomas says it’s ok. Check him out...

PS yes that is a Fig Newton wrapper next to the wine. Now you know how grim things are.

Nessun Dorma

None shall sleep,
None shall sleep!
Even you, oh Princess,

Vanish Oh Night....

Fade, stars! Fade, stars!
At dawn, I will win
I will win
I will win 

Puccini's Turandot

The documentary on Pavarotti was playing on the plane coming home from Chicago- highly enjoyable. You fall completely in love- with him, with opera, with pasta, with everything.

Anyway, this song has been playing in my head since my return.. the perfect background music as I paw my little blanket waiting for a remotely Christian time to get up. At 4 a.m. I allow myself tea; coffee not until 5. Thank God for my trusty four legged side kick who will rise with me no matter the time.

Thomas and I have a fantasy that someday we will forgo adjusting to local time. When we arrive somewhere, we will simply rise and sleep and eat as we wish without looking at the clock or the dark sky to dictate our movements. And then we will be happy.

Below a few final photos including one of me and the Queen on our last night. She was sharing health tips that included (thank ya Jesus) a stiff shot of whiskey immediately before bed. She swears this is the secret to a long life, and being nothing if not pro long life, I asked her for details.

She ran back and forth to the kitchen several times to produce the exact size glass, then explained I needed to belt one just before sleep. She clarified this would have no bearing on wine at dinner..of course that was also ok, and she added my favorite part: to make absolutely sure that one did not forget this life saving nectar, one needed to put the bottle right next to the bed.


check and check.

London

on Queen Mary

Feeling sentimental about ol Lech and her people after all some old photos came up on my feed. Luis has been with us on so many trips!

with Harumi

Don't forget to keep the bottle by the bed

New Year's ice cream

Dynamic Duo 

This group broke the record for the most Topfenpalatschinken ever ordered on room service. 

Made it to Chicago

Well that was a madhouse.... O'Hare after the holidays is not for the faint of heart. But room service is on the way; Chico is in the room next door; fluffy bed scattered with melatonin awaits; Star Wars movie tomorrow.
Missing the Almhof and Harumi and Fuyuki and Johannes in the dining room and K and G and and and....
Will add a few loose ends when I come up for air in a few hours.
 Xxxx
Zzzzzz

And Then There Were None

We are the last of the Christmas crowd left, and it feels like being in an Agatha Christie novel.  Thomas finds this just fine- he misses the old faces, but strangers are ok too. For him, especially this year, it is all about the skiing (AATS) ; or more accurately: all about the hiking before the skiing (AATHBTS). I have attached a photo Harumi took when she was with me hacking around on some other lesser cliff, and we looked over and she said there climbing up another mountain, were three dots, one of whom was my husband.
They skinned up the mountain, then walked across the top, then skied down the other side and because this is Austria, they returned for lunch.
Thomas said it wasn't as steep as it looks in photographs, but Michael said at the last part where they put the skis on their backs and walked in ski boots to the top, he had visions of falling backwards.

There are three little dots in the couloir

Three little dots magnified

The staff has taken their game up a notch this year- hovering over us as if they are auditioning for job as Almhof waiter. New Year's eve they stay awake until 5 a.m., and then turn around for breakfast at 7; but aside from a certain giddiness, you can't tell they are exhausted. At breakfast, Frederick remarked that our candlestick was incredibly heavy and this set the Teutons off on the path to discover what the material was. To do this they would need to know how much it weighed and how tall it was, then they would extrapolate using the periodic tables. While they were discussing this, the staff silently brought a scale to the table, next to (of course) a bouquet of flowers. Then they brought a ruler. 

Spoiler alert: the Schneider candlesticks are brass with lead. 

For me this was also a rather ski focused year, which was not always pleasant. H is not happy with status quo, which means I have to suffer, at least until 1 p.m. Sometimes I invited others (men who shall remain nameless) to ski with us. And each time Harumi told them brutal truths- truths about their skiing that no one had told them before. Usually she wanted them to turn more, or at all. (If a person, has enough strength and courage he can sometimes try to affect a non turning thing, and aim straight down the hill). Harumi, a woman who spent five years perfecting the ready position, is not impressed. If they refuse to  listen, she takes them somewhere really bad until her point is made and they go home. 

Do not ignore the instructions given in polite baby German from this woman; she is not making casual suggestions.

I just said goodbye to her and she was going to ski something called Cold Mountain to get to her house two towns over. She has a headlamp because she won't be home before 6 p.m.

Below selfies from New Year's eve; Thomas' guide (Harumi's husband) all around good egg and award winner of mountain guide with longest eyelashes; blurry but handsome trio at NYE- Luis putting our men's wearhouse navy tuxedo to shame by pulling out a navy velvet dinner jacket; (lesson: never ever try to out-fashion a Schneider man. G is wearing culottes as we speak). Me in leopard head to toe, with my waiter who has donned a mouse costume from the children's room in honor of my animal theme. And finally me doing push ups on the QM2....must do more if I am to keep running after my Japanese comet. 

So 2020: Onward..! if you are reading this, chances are I love you and will see you soon. Here is to more snow, more love, more jokes, more navy blue tuxedos, more making Harumi happy with tiny imitations of her; more hard things with breaks for lunch, more holding hands, more schnapps when we have colds; more Haikus; more telling people how glad we are they came along.

Christmas 2019 over and out. 

Happy New Year my Beloveds

The photo is a good summary of my day- the good, the bad and the very hungry. H took me on a longer hike than my legs wanted, and I skied like a drunk (her words, loosely translated). The good news is that my worst day this year is a lot better than my worst day last year. So....my worst is less worse? 

Somehow I have to put something on for tonight over the blister and dry skin. Will send photos if I manage to take any, but there is a serious chance that I will be asleep in my elk consommé. 

More soon. 

little teeny update- but with videos! (new tech)

from todays tour

Thought I might throw in a very quick Lech update, though I don't know what I can say that I haven't said every other winter.

Harumi told me to get slightly wider skis and they have been a game changer.  At Christmas the Schneiders handed out old photos to each table- some were really old and frankly horrible- but some were amusing. We have a new room with views to the south and west, and we have both walked into our old room several times.

Thomas is doing these really really long hikes and comes back so tired and happy. It is some sort of nectar to him, all this exercise.

I have also seen some of the worst behavior I have ever seen here- rich people's temper tantrums over perceived slights, one man coming to the dining room in his dirty pyjamas and divorcees trolling for new husbands in full view of the husband's wife. You know- the usual.
It does lead one to a kind of five star mini depression. The sanest ones are the mountain guides- so I try to stick close to them.
Harumi's son is my love- he comes to the hotel by skis, and he likes to hold a little briefcase (instead of ski poles) that holds his baby giraffe. I will upload that video and more after dinner.
more in a jiffy. xx

One oldie from Lech. F must be about 6.

view from my bed

ok below is H's son on his rounds with briefcase. He already has a lot of his mothers ski style- the way he pushes into the mountain left and right. You must put it into full screen and listen for the baby Japanese at the end. I told Luis S that he would be ruling this town for only a few more years- a new bachelor with longer eyelashes was coming. He claims that Fuyuki has maxed out on cuteness and it's all downhill from here. No pun intended.

and Harumi just sent me this one (she takes a lot of me...which I sort of hate because I hate looking at my own style especially in the back country; 

but you get the idea of how remote it is out there

For Unto Us An Ocean is Given

The waves today were about 7 meters, or over 20 feet. In his noon address, the Captain announced it was a “Magnificent day on the north Atlantic!”- He described it as gray and rainy and windy and “Isn’t it a joy to surf these mighty seas??!”

The waves are indeed something to behold- we gape slightly open mouthed, and then shake our heads and smile- smile at their might; smile at our relief they have until now, avoided us.

I decided that water like this was too sacred to watch while podcasting, so I put in Handel’s Messiah and walked around the 7th deck, which translates to about the 7th floor. Some of the swells were so high, it was like the water wanted to come up and say hello. As I listened to sopranos raised in song, (FOR UNTO US A SON IS GIVEN!)  a few of these monsters crested, and the tops turned a vibrant, turquoise blue. (AND HIS NAME SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL!)
It was such a beautiful sight; it made me tear up.

In fact, I was so moved, I yelled hello into the wind. Hello you glorious, dolphin filled waves! “HELLLOOOOW!!!!!!!!!”  Thank you for bringing me to England.

Luckily this is not at all strange behavior here. Many people drink at lunch, so it is hard to tell who is drunk and who is just a Wehlen.

Went for manicure and hit pay dirt. This sassy Jamaican woman of great beauty and a rather don’t mess with me vibe, described the safety procedures. She seems to be a bit of a nerd like I am on the exact protocol, and she reserves very harsh words for people who are on their phones during the safety briefing. Says if she sees any of these slackers in a real emergency “You don't want to know what I will say to him, maan.”

She is clear that one needs to stay on the Queen Mary for as long as possible. “Don’t be jumping off, girl. She is safer than de life boat…”
(“Don’t be worrying,” I said…..)

Best of all she described what happened a few weeks ago- the night that woke Osman. The waves were 50 feet (that is 5 stories of water coming at you) and it lasted two days and a night. She said that the bow of this enormous ship went up so high- it looked vertical, like it would flip over. She said “Dat storm need to go back and not happen again..”

She and the spa girls were terrified; and it is hard to find crew who have ever been scared. She said there were two kinds of passengers: the seasick/terrified, and the ones who still insisted on French manicures.
She told them: “ A french manicure? In this weather? We outta a de white polish maan”

And so on this beautiful Advent evening…may I say to all my beloved fellow seekers: Jews and Gentiles; Muslims, atheists, ocean worshippers, tree huggers; Catholics, lapsed and devout: May I remind you tonight of the gift of this beautiful ocean. Visit it from time to time, and say hello won’t you?  It will do your soul good.



Pictures from solid land I promise. xx

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Portrait of a girl in a wind blown skirt holding chocolates

If there is one thing this blog has hoped to convey over the years, it is that one should not attempt to cross the Atlantic in just any old canoe. We are having a lovely day - walking around and around and getting chocolates handed to us by handsome Turks, and yet the seas are 20 feet and the wind is gale force. Thanks to the Queen Mary, we get to look at this magnificent ocean without getting our hair wet. Most of this is due to the fact that today the waves are coming from our stern. Since we are going the same direction, and more or less the same speed, it is all mellow up here.

The entire crew had a two hour security practice yesterday including looking for bombs and life boat drill. Thomas and I were knee deep in our step counting and this threw us, because much of the deck was closed to the passengers (the captain kept calling us “guests”). He repeated that this was for exercise only, and the guests didn’t need to start jumping off or handing out life jackets. (Im paraphrasing).

I saw my BFF Osman leading his group to his future life boat. At lunch I told him that I would be getting in his boat no matter what, so he should make room; he said he would hold the caviar.

He knows I want any gruesome ship details he can provide, with an emphasis on suicides or rogue waves; and boy does he provide. He told us that people jump off all the time, because the ship is a bit of a suicide tourist destination. They are mandated to search for the victim for one full day, even though these people jump off at night into a black, roaring, freezing sea, and there is no way they can be found. Thomas said it wouldn’t be that bad, once you were in. The cold would make you sort of blasé pretty quickly like on Mt. Everest.

He has taken his trivia game up a notch this trip (more on that later) and then said something to the effect of “93% of people who commit suicide regret it.”

With all the walking, we haven’t had much time for massages or planetariums visits, but I have added a handsome Turk to my rotation. (can never have too many) He is the man who gives me blow outs in the evenings, and he adds some juicy details while the hair mask is on (he is big on hair masks). Apparently there would be 150 of us in one life boat; some water and some power bars; but no water the first day, because one never knows when one will be rescued. The first order of business would be to give everyone a sea sickness pill, which has the benefit of putting us all to sleep. But this was my favorite part: We will be given little fishing rods. “Fishing RODS?” I asked…How long are we expected to be out there? He said it is not for the fish, it is to keep us busy. If we should catch one, we are not even allowed to eat it because that will make us thirsty.
 “ Because of the soy sauce?!!”

All the life boats would be tied together, and there would be no driving, just bobbing. If occurred to me that I didn’t understand what would happen next. “How would we get onto another ship? (In rough seas no less…)”
 “Ladder”….
“Ladder!? All of these elderly people up a ladder of an oil tanker?

Point is, as much as I like the idea of a little romantic bob with handsome Turkish men, one of whom will be holding caviar, and the other massaging my head before wrapping it in a hot towel, it doesn’t seem like the post entering the life boat part has been really thought out.

In my walks, I catch these little snap shots of people, and I collect them like seashells. Today into the elevator came a couple - the type where the husband has the face lift but not the wife. He was perhaps 90 with a jaunty little hair transplant of red hair, an utterly garish Versace shirt and plenty of bling. She was more circumspect in her grooming…but you could tell she thought she was the lucky one, married to a gorgeous peacock like that. They were holding hands to keep from falling over with the ship movement. After they got in, he pretended to knock on the elevator door as if to get it to open…she laughed and sighed and fake hit him, as if to ask the rest of the elevator: ‘Can you believe I landed this one?”
Then the doors opened, and they reached for each other again.

I am telling you, it is a romantic ship.

Photos soon, I promise. xx

Queen Mary, Christmas Edition!

 Greetings from somewhere near the resting grounds of the Titanic. We are off the coast of Nova Scotia, near Sable Island- the “graveyard of the Atlantic”. Sable is a mysterious nature reserve inhabited (says Wikepedia) by horses and seals and the Ipswich sparrow. Since the 17th century, 475 ships have run around on it after getting caught in the mixture of the Labrador and Gulf currents. When these currents meet, they create very rough seas and there is always a lot of fog. Making it even more treacherous is the fact that Sable Island is ever shifting with no fixed position in the ocean. Bit like the Bermuda triangle out here. 

This story was cheerily relayed to us at the noon announcement by our captain, whom we have met on a previous crossing. He is rather funny: he answered my question about rogue waves years ago by saying he was against the whole business, says he is afraid of bad weather. 

Speaking of bad weather…..we have had a little of it today. The winds were huge - force 11, which is classified as “violent storm”  and translates to 55-65 knots, with a sea state of “rough”. If the winds had kept up, this would mean 37-52 feet high waves. It has however died down, and is now force 8. 

The decks were officially closed but lots of people were out, including us step counters (did you really expect anything less?)  It didn't seem that much bigger than summer storms, until we went down to the second deck. This was amazing…a few waves suddenly, completely covered the windows in front of our chairs.  It was a bit like when Frederick was very little and we were standing in front of the window of the polar bear enclosure at the zoo. In an instant the bear swam up and put all four limbs on the window separating us. It was just like that- like having nothing but some glass separating you from a polar bear. I asked Thomas if he flinched as I did, and he said yes…it was genuinely frightening.

But of course this is nothing. The captain says one should use the hand rails; and that is about it. A few weeks ago they went near a hurricane and that was really bad. Osman (handsome Turk) says he was awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of a bomb going off. He sleeps in the bow, so it’s worse there. Apparently they were hit by a wave, or more likely, plummeted down from a big one, and he says he has never heard anything like it. 

So basically, we have had some huge winds and a few large waves, but it didn't stop the tea or canasta.  No one is sea sick and our sleeping is extraordinary. I slept the first night from 9:30 to 7:30 and then took a huge nap later in the day. 

I have to get these photos up, so I will make this short today. Most exciting is the below video of a wave I took. Having issues getting it to work, but let's see. 
xx

Caviar Count: 1

Crêpes Suzette: 2

Steps taken as a family on the QM2

85, 702. (but who’s counting)

our living room; bedroom out of view

our deck

This was after the wind mellowed. Imagine the wave really fully covering the window for a few seconds. 

Aristotle's Breath Atoms

Chicago family weekend over and out. Unlike the PEA ones, this was less about sniffing around the mysterious place that our child calls home- weekends where we attended classes and met teachers and peeked behind the curtain. The college version was more snatching him away to comfort and good food for a few days. We spent a bit of time on the campus, but being the jaded empty nesters that we are, saw little need to attend every seminar that was offered. It is so nice how much more relaxed it is to visit him in college. High school was just a rush-he seemed to be biting his nails more-and he was considered among the most zen of zen there. He met us for dinner near campus the first night- a place that features Southern Cooking. Mon Dieu..it was like going to a foreign country. We were a small minority of white people...and were a tad confused by the menu. (what is a grit exactly?) Lots of calories and lots of fun. MMB is now a full convert to the whole corn bread okra scene.

The  take away is the kid is cruising- cruising through  classes (three of which he took two years ago, thanks Exeter) and playing a jolly game of tennis every other day against all manner of French graduate students, engineering undergrads, and other bon vivants. He goes to the occasional frat party, where he drinks a cheap beer or two and then calls it a night. As I write this, I must admit that it sounds suspiciously like those kids who tell their parents they are going to college, but are in fact pocketing the tuition money and using it for drugs, or worse- a start up dating app for physics buffs. "Everything is great Mom! I have gotten a 100% on every test I have taken and am drinking very little! In fact I am using my free time to tutor other kids!! But could you please forward the money for next year directly to my account?"

But it won't last long- he has heard time and again that the fancy private school boost only lasts for the first year, so he should work on the backhand while he can.

Speaking of sports, the distance between our hotel and the University is about 10 miles and of course Thomas walked back twice, until Friday night when Frederick finally checked into the hotel. He is starting to resemble an Aboriginal Indian embarking on his final walk into the desert.

MMB and Ron went to every museum as well as a talk on statistical physics where they learned how to approximate important things like: how many atoms of Aristotle's last breath are in this room? How many taxi drivers are in Chicago? or, If a balloon is filled with helium in a car, and the car accelerates, will the balloon move forward, back or stay upright?

The most exciting news is Frederick has submitted his room for "best looking dorm room" for which he has me alone to thank. Feast your eyes below on the gray Berber rug from Target and the custom altered pottery barn curtain and the ETSY wall art. The weird blue lighting and space tapestry are his additions, so if he loses it's on him. Winner gets to be in the UChicago catalogue.

I asked if his room was the place everyone came to because it is agreed on his floor that his is the nicest. He said people only come when they have "a problem", and need counseling. Oh I said..does the patient lie on the bed in lieu of a patients couch? "No" he said "...the patient sits in the hard, cheap wooden chair that came with the room; I sit in the fancy leather desk chair, and the kid who is the shrink lies on the bed."
What can I say? in Chicago they don't coddle the sick.

He says that the gang has three "mothers" of which he is one. The mothers are the ones that say everyone should perhaps call it a night or not go home with that guy they barely know or remind people to do their homework. There are apparently a few kids who are already totally underwater, because they are having such a grand time drinking cheap vodka in a sub optimally decorated dorm room (S.O.D.D.R.).

Took a trip to the aquarium, where Frederick and I made a bee line for the shark tank, and then proceeded to try to find piranhas. Thomas slowly made his way through the rainforest/amazon carefully looking at ever little frog and tropical fish.  Frederick started to look bored after about 40 minutes, just like he did when he was little.
The planetarium was better of course...and all of them are these large expensive building built right onto the turquoise blue lake, so it's quite nice to hang out there.
Alas, all of them also have signs of little guns with lines drawn through them.

Went to Second City where we were worried MMB would somehow get on stage with the comedians. It was way more about Trump than the last time we went- more lingering between despair and humor like at a funeral- that place of crazy laughing where you could just as easily cry. Luckily we landed at Kinzie's Chop House- a very un-Wehlen like place...but it was lovely. All very old school Chicago with steaks and all manner of sauces, and the best truffle fries I have ever had.

Before I left, I went to this meditation class at Laura P's house and someone said it was a special day in various traditions so it was important to ask yourself what it is you worship. What are you in awe of?

Me- that's easy: the ocean; knowledge seekers and smart people in general, starry skies; big mountains; the occasional truffle fry- and these days, Nancy Pelosi.

(Om Shanti Shanti Truffle shanti OOOMMMM Nancy Nancy Hare Hare Krishna!!!!!)

Chinese food at Shanghai Terrace at our hotel.

Portraits of a budding astrophysicist bored out of his mind in front of a exhibit of amazonian agriculture. FCAW apparently does not bow to tropical fruit.